Tag: depression
-
make it better
ungrounded, unmotivated, unmoving. walking in squares and hitting dead ends just to repeat it again. i don’t know what’s happened to me or to my dearest. all tangled in electric knots, in mounds of pity and I wish to whoever’s god that I could start over try on a new avatar leave it behind without…
-
What I’m Learning From My First Psychological Diagnosis
When my therapist confirmed that I have an anxiety disorder with depression lingering not far behind yesterday, I wasn’t surprised. Instead, I felt relieved OR was it more like validated? It was a mixture of both. It’s strange how visceral the rush of serotonin was that came over me in that moment. It felt like…
-
Opening Up About My Mental Health
Let’s talk about anxiety! We’ve all experienced it at one point or another. Maybe it was before you had to present something in front of a class or maybe it creeps into every conversation you have with someone. However constant or random it is in your life, it’s there all the same and it is…
-
My Big Fat Hollywood Move: In the Thick of It
I don’t know how long I had been complacent before I moved out here, but I do remember feeling like Dustin Hoffman in the opening scene of The Graduate — propelling lifelessly on a moving walkway into his future. I bounced from one non-stimulating experience to another and rotated between the same toxic behavioral patterns.…
-
Surface Tension
He held me on the sidewalk while bodies passed, dodging us like we were delicate birds in the middle of the road. I stained his jacket like the rain looming above our heads threatened to stain the city. We had been here before. Me grieving a loss of something I’d never had. Him towering over…
-
Wasting Away
If only I could puke me out. When I was done carving out my insides I’d watch the ugly colorless excrement squirm on the floor. ______________________________________________________________________________ No need to kill it. It’ll just die starving, waiting for nourishment like a newborn – reaching out for hands. ______________________________________________________________________________ We’re all put off by our own vomit,…
-
Slowing Down
Thoughts written on the back of specials menus during a late night serving shift It shouldn’t be lonely to be alone. Resilience is knowing this, living without relying. Something…
-
Stuck Again
I know I haven’t posted in a while and that’s honestly because I have not been writing enough. I was sifting through my journal today and came across an entry I wrote in January when I was battling with what I believe to be some form of depression though I’ve never been properly diagnosed. The…
Spiral Alchemy 